Land of ten million advisors - I am pregnant!

Land of ten million advisors - I am pregnant!


When you become a parent you’ll have a million advisors immediately. You don’t even have to ask for it, everybody wants to help you. Most of them really think they help, but in fact, they just create more chaos. At least in my mind, that’s what they did. From the moment when I announced my pregnancy, I received advice on what I should eat or how I should do sports. I heard nightmare stories about childbirth pain, horrible hospital protocols but no worries, they said, it would be amazing after that. Thank you. I didn’t even have a bump, but I knew everything I didn’t want to.

Later, when I first entered a baby store, I almost fainted. So many colours, so many clothes and toys and diapers and so many things that I had no idea what they were for. I ran, okay, walked out of the store and for a couple of weeks, I didn’t even think of buying stuff for my baby. Then I chose a smaller shop, went to the counter immediately and without looking at anything, I asked for a list of the things that I and my baby really needed. Luckily they were very appreciative and helped me out. Of course, we bought almost everything from that store. So I had a list, I went home, I googled every item which I had no idea what they were, downloaded two other lists and created my own. This was the first step when I felt that I had some control over this whole pregnancy madness. This list also helped me to say no to people who wanted to convince me to buy their used whatever that was the best thing they had bought for their babies. It’s amazing what feelings can pregnancy generate in some.

Then it got worse as the due date was approaching. The biggest mistake that I could make was to tell everyone when the baby was due. Weeks before they started asking me how I was feeling, which was manageable but as we passed the date, I felt sick of the phone calls and messages I received. I was huge, I could barely move, my feet were double sized and I was worried anyway about the labour. Everyone had the best tips on how to induce labour naturally: eat spicy food, have a hot shower, have sex, drink a special cocktail consisting of pálinka and castor-oil…

But the worst came after the delivery. I was still recovering both physically and mentally, struggling with breastfeeding and baby belly ache and everyone asked me if I had enough milk or if she was a good baby (meaning sleeping well). Literally everyone, even strangers in the streets who saw me with the baby. After a while, I just nodded or I lied and said what they wanted to hear just to leave me alone. I know they didn’t want to hurt me but at that mental state with hormones raging I had enough of the millionth advice.

Of course, this was just a small part of my pregnancy among many happy moments, but it was shocking that having a child seems to be a public issue while it is the most intimate event in a family’s life.


Many thanks to Annamária Berczi, aka Szevasz Muter.

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